Why we remainers want a “Peoples Vote”.

Well the most obvious reason is that only 1.5% of actual people voted for Brexit. Once you take out anyone under 18, people living for a lifetime outside of the country, the people who couldn’t be bothered to vote, those that maybe did or didn’t change their minds, and lastly all the pets that didn’t get a say. Basically no one had a genuine say on Brexit.

The remaining 1.5% that mattered were persuaded by Arron Banks, the by now renowned super sleeper agent, for the KGB, to vote for Brexit. All this time he was pretending to be a multi-millionaire business owner, when in fact, he was David Greenglasses apprentice. The swine.

Those poor deluded 1.5%, they didn’t actually know they were voting for. So actually they don’t matter in the slightest.

One important matter – We cant let anyone know their opinion doesn’t matter. This really matters.

We can’t let them realise that we as Waitrose shoppers and the “squeezed middle” know best, so we need to pretend we support Brexit as a “result”.

So could someone tell that useful idiot Lammy to stop harping on about “democracy can change it’s mind”. Quite frankly he is fucking the whole show right up.

We will propose a “peoples vote” that will be disguised as a referendum, (Don’t worry, not like the last one) on a deal we will get to take, before a deal has actually been reached. No one will expect this to affect what we are offered at all.

As everyone that has managed to inherit their parents business knows, in negotiations the weakest hand is always the one that knows the outcome before the hand is played- it makes them offer more out of sheer pity, you see?

To be honest what we are offered is very important, because the EU will, being kept up to date by the great Professor Grayling, offer us a pittance. We are banking on that. Then we go to the public and offer “rubbish deal vs stay in”.

Rubbish deal is essential, absolutely essential. It can not be “no deal”. Because a rubbish deal is signed, sealed and delivered. No one in their right mind chooses a rubbish deal….Well Theresa will if this plan falls through, but let’s hope it doesn’t have to come to that.

“No deal” leaves it up to interpretation and you all remember what happened last time we did that don’t you? No… no chances this time chaps.

But is it is absolutely paramount that we pretend we actually want Brexit to happen. These plebs need to think that because of the biggest political upset since some people put fireworks under parliament, that we will listen. This is important.

They are obviously annoyed about the status quo, so we cant let them know we don’t give a shit and want to go back to it.

So call it the peoples vote – sounds good, got the word “people” in it, and the word “vote”. Absolute winner.

While you are at it, get Blair and Campbell to talk about how shit Brexit will be. You just simply can’t have enough fully trustworthy people that have not caused the political climate leading to Brexit, to shout about how shit it will actually be.

Once it’s all done and we vote to stay, we can all go back to not giving two hoots about the EU, and back to the serious business of calling everyone a Nazi.

No one will mind at all. Everything will be back to normal…

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